Originally written in 1996
This page catalogues just some of the bad luck I have had since coming to university. You will see that I have had far more than my fair share so you should send notes of sympathy to me
I had just driven up from home and didn't have time to unload my car before lectures started so I drove up to uni and parked my car round the corner. I came back 4 hours later and found all my stuff rifled through and all my CDs stolen. There was a big hole where the lock should have been. I reported it to the police and my insurance company and got the princely sum of £100 to replace my 41 CDs which were stolen. Bastards.
Naturally pissed off that someone had broken into my car and stolen every CD I owned I decided to go and get very drunk. I did this at the observatory where shots are only 10p from 7:00 - 8:00 so by about 10:00 I was quite merry. When the place closed at 2:00 I was very drunk. I wandered home pausing only to talk to some drunken tramps for about two hours and then climbed into bed. It was only the next afternoon when I realised that I no longer had my glasses in my pocket. Quick trip to the optician and the damage was £200!!!! Gaahh!!
I was parked at the side of a Dual carriageway in a parking space just behind a lorry. It was quite late (3:00am) and I was just having a rest before continuing with my journey. All of a sudden the car jolts forward and I see a huge juggernaut far too close to my back windscreen. A lorry has gone into the back of me but luckily there was no damage. Quite scary though.
My car was parked at the side of a road and someone came out of her drive without clearing the frost off her back window. Just because there isn't usually a car there doesn't mean there will never be a car there! Crunch. Front wing and door are both dented and the bill comes to &350; + VAT. Doesn't bother me - I'm not paying. The other driver is pissed off though!
Break In II
This time I had the sense to remove everything from my car before parking it on a busy road within sight of the university. Everything except a pair of ice-skates. Who would want to steal a pair of ice-skates? People in Leeds will steal anything. I came back to the car and the window was smashed and the ice-skates had gone. £40 to replace the window and I haven't got the insurance for the ice-skates yet.
On Sunday I am meant to be going to France but I realised today that I can't find my passport. I looked all today and all of Saturday at my home in Bristol but I still couldn't find the damn thing. My girlfriend is pissed off so I had to do some serious grovelling and I am pissed off because I haven't got a passport and a new one costs about £20.
Death Defying 18ft Fall Onto Concrete
Erm.. Can't really say too much about this one although I'm sure noone who cares is going to be reading this page anyway. It was around 2:00am and for reasons I won't go into here I was 18ft up a wall with two friends watching me. I lost my footing and fell on my arse on the concrete pavement. I thought I was dead at first and then that I was paralised but in fact I had only bruised my bum. (I wasn't trying to burgle anyone in case you were wondering)
Can anything else possibly go wrong for me? Tune in to the next exciting episode of Oliver Clarks Catalogue of Disaster!